Sunday, December 17, 2006
Those 5 days in camp also gave me lots of time to reflect on everything that's happened this year... So many things running through my mind now... Don't think I can sort everything out... Its actually quite surprising that even the guys would be willing to lend a listening ear... and even their support...
Its seriously very refreshing... like a journey back to how things were before... a time when I was happier and much more unaffected by things that don't concern me... I guess my bro was right... I am my worse enemy... In allowing someone else to be so critical of my actions and habits, I began to criticise everything I did... Such a fool eh... Oh well... we all learn from our mistakes...
As I spent my time sorting myself out in camp, I realised that I really have come very far from the old bastard I was last time... It's not easy trying to erase the preconceived notion others have of you just because of how you were in the past, and I'm proud that I've managed to make vast improvements in erasing that view in others... My old friends have seen the change... my new friends like who I am now... and that's all that matters...
It's taken me a lot of strength and determination to not shy away from old friends just because of the perception they had of me... and taken even more strength to just smile and be the new me in front of them... enduring all their old prejudices and proving to them that I HAVE changed... Its not easy... and not many people know how hard it really is... But I dont' care... I'll be the new me... as long as it takes for them to realise that I have changed... even if it takes an entire lifetime to accomplish...
True, this may not be as terrible as losing a loved one and having to survive on your own... but it still requires a lot to not give up and just be a loner... Having said that, would I view myself as weak? Definitely not... In a way, having to redeem myself is my own personal tragedy... I've endured a lot of crap and had to prove myself countless times... All that has done is made me stronger, more determined to not allow a previous prejudice rule over my head... If others don't see it that way, then so be it... I will not allow myself to be put down by the views of others... There is more than one path to the goal... it just depends on whether you want to walk a smooth path, or a rocky path...
Why then should I want to prove myself to others that I've changed? Because friends are important to me... I place my full trust in them, because I want them to trust me fully as well... Once I consider them my friend, they will always be a friend, until that trust between us is broken... A very good friend of mine once said to me... We reap what we sow... I want to sow the seeds of good friendship and trust... and that is what I will reap...
I walk now alone down the path of my choosing... no looking back... no expectations... with just the support of those whom I call my friends... I have truly seen myself grow up, compared to the last time I was in NS... One can see an improvement... and thats all there is to it... No point whining about how bad you are in something... I would rather focus on what I've improved at and how much more I can improve it, as well as what else can be improved upon and work at it...
And like the icing on top of the cake, I received some good feedback today... That although I may look serious all the time, I do know how to have fun, and that when crunch time comes, I will still have the dedication and professionalism to carry on with the task at hand... I guess that is especially the case when others are depending on you as well... Heh... In others words... just doing the right thing...
I've always welcomed such surprising comments, cos it serves as a feedback to me on my own progress down my path... every good comment just brings me further along that path... towards a much more improved me...
you have just Slacked with Chris @ 1:50 AM
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