Friday, October 13, 2006
Gotta rush it cos I've been mugging for the immunology CA for the past week... I definitely did the best I could have done... The test was yesterday, 20 questions, each had 5 true/false questions... worse thing is... its NEGATIVE MARKING... Just like the Pharmaco CA...
Students always complain that negative marking is stupid/silly and all that... But after taking 2 tests with negative marking, I kinda feel that its actually quite effective in separating the people who know their work, and those who don't... In normal MCQ tests, if you don't know the answer, you either use elimination, or a 4/5 sided dice to get your answer... plus all these years in school, we've been conditioned to 'just try' even if you don't know the answer...
But for negative marking, its a bit harder to do that, since if you just guess the answer, there's a chance that you might get it wrong, and have 1 mark DEDUCTED, from your score. Imagine out of 5 statements, you get 3 right and 2 wrong, in the end, instead of getting 3 marks, you get only 1... then isn't it better to just leave the other 2 blank? At least you'll get 3 instead of 1... it would be worse if you get 2 right and 3 wrong... there goes all your marks... out of 5 possible marks, you get 0... In the end, negative marking forces the student to actually stop and think about what they are doing, and helps them assess how confident they are of their knowledge... If you're not fully sure that your answer is correct, then wouldn't it be better to just leave it blank? But then again, old habits are hard to break... after more than 12 years of getting nagged with 'just try', it IS kinda hard to stop yourself from filling in all the circles... It's hard, but not impossible...
I hardly like to rant openly, cos I do still want some semblence of a private life, but... sometimes, its hard to keep things in all the time... that's when I turn to my friends... they've been so understanding all this while, listening to me rant, rave and just basically question everything around me... without them, I probably wouldn't have been able to pick myself up so fast... But at times, I do still backslide... especially when I see my other frens in a similar situation... the only thing stopping myself from going to comfort them, is the fact that in doing so, I might actually backslide even more...
I know myself... I know that right now, I can only comfort anyone from afar, give a few words of support and encouragement, and thats all I can offer at this moment... I need to protect myself right now... not from my frens or anyone, but from myself.. My own negative emotions that sometimes creep to the surface again... Emotions like anger, paranoia, disbelief, confusion... Some I've come to terms with, and let them run their course... others, seem to always reappear when I have a gut feeling about something and it usually is true...
It's not healthy for me, not right now... makes me think too much, makes me just wanna stone and not do anything... And right now, I can't do that much... exams in one and a half months, papers not written, CAs not studied for... I cannot afford to just stone anymore... My priority is to my studies right now... really need to bring up that CAP... So I do what I have to to stay sane... Anything that I feel will affect my ability to study, I will push to one side...
After I got that msg last night, I didn't want to write my paper anymore, I just wanted to clear my head, think about things and sort my emotions out... I don't deny that seeing that msg made me smile, but I realised that that word had somewhat different meanings for different people... not to mention the fact that being somewhat high could also loosen the tongue a bit... And while asking for specifics left me in front of a wall again, I also realised that confusion begets more confusion... So while I might smile at that statement, right now, I don't want to do anything... I'm walking away from that wall... until it comes down and I get a concrete answer... I've helped all I can... now its time to help yourself...
By doing so, I might really lose you for good.. Thats what I fear sometimes, but I will face that fear when it comes... only then can I walk forwards along my own path... I hope you can face yours as well... It may be hard to do alone, but I will always keep my promise to you... I don't go back on my word... I never have and I don't intend to start now...
I need time right now... Time to heal, time to seek out my destiny.. And in protecting myself against my negative emotions, I'm also protecting you against them.. You've got enough problems without me adding to them...
I don't know how long I'll take, as long as it has to... its the only way...
you have just Slacked with Chris @ 1:15 PM
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