Sunday, August 27, 2006

I can feel my presence slipping...

At what point do your worries and fears cross the boundaries into the depths of paranoia??

I'm never one to spill every part of my life out into the open, unless its to people I can trust... but there are so many things swirling through my mind now that I just have to write something... and since its already 5am.. I'd better do it fast...

I'm a person who doesn't really regret what he does... I don't believe in regrets... But right now... some regret is seeping into my mind... and I don't know why... and I HATE it...

I don't regret starting up dance... I don't regret doing anything I've done in my uni years so far... But now... I just don't know... I don't know what I'm regretting... Maybe I just wanna be a bastard again... An uncaring thick skinned bastard who only cares about himself... Someone who won't let his emotions get in the way again... Someone who won't cry anymore... Who won't whine, be insecure... Just be an evil me... And not the nice caring guy people see these days... Being in a relationship does certainly change a person... even after its over...

These days, whenever someone asks how 'we' are... I'd just give my standard answers... 'Like that lor..' or 'Same lah'... If they ask if we're tgt again, I'd just go... 'No.. no time...' or 'Nah.. not good timing now...'

I wish people would stop asking me that... cos I really don't have the right answers... I wish I could have be the bastard and go 'Why don't you ask her instead?' But I won't... I swore to never go down that path again... But maybe... I need to skirt that path sometimes... just so I'll have an edge to myself... I just feel I'm TOO nice... TOO trusting... and TOO naive...

But really... would I have any reason NOT to trust my friends? Aren't friends supposed to trust each other?

I'm really feeling damn insecure right now... it just seems to me that everyone else has much better qualities than me... Of course, I'd just be worrying too much... or I'm too whiny... as usual... The bastard in me just wouldn't give a fuck... but not mister nice guy... NOOOOO... he's got to worry about every little fucking thing... Damn it...

Then of course, there's the other things that make it seem even more impossible... stupid personality tests... I don't believe one word of it... Don't my own emotions count for anything anymore?? Just cos one test says we have only a few things in common, I've got to believe it?

I'm not one to go into anything brashfully... probably explains why I've only had 2 relationships so far... I don't believe in just 'having fun' with others... makes it seem like I'm just getting companionship from them and when I'm bored, I'll get someone else...

Our personalities may be somewhat different... but I truly am trying to understand her point of view... I understand her priorities have changed, she wants to try new things, meet more people and all that... so if I do understand that much, then why do I feel like I'm fading away in her life?

We hardly talk these days... even on msn... she'd just do her own things... I'd do mine... and I seriously don't want to keep asking her what she's doing at that moment... lest I irritate her again... We hardly have time to meet up... either she's busy, or I am... So why then do I still think of whether she's free on a particular day? I really don't want to come across as needy... but it seems to me that I am... Do I really have to stop caring about what she's doing and all that? It seems so heartless... really like a bastard...

And why can't I seem to NOT care? Even when I think of her and want to ask how she is, sometimes... I just can't bring myself to msg her, lest I give her the impression that I'm needy and insecure again... Guess the guestion here is... WHY do I care so much? Why does it feel like a stab in the heart everytime I realise I wasn't there to comfort her, I feel so inadequate when she runs to someone else to pour her heart out... Am I THAT BAD of a consoler, even after all this time??

I agree that I still have somewhat a long way to grow up in life... I have been somewhat sheltered and spoilt... But I do feel that I've made much progress since then... I just don't know what else I can do... I still feel damn inadequate and unworthy... She's done so much in a year... and wtf have I accomplished? I don't know if I can ever be equal... I'm not like her... I don't have the looks, I don't have the charm... what I do have, is just an honest heart... willing to help anyone in need anyway I can... Is the world so corrupted that a person's sincerity of heart isn't worth anything anymore?? If thats the case, I should just seal this heart of mine again... like I did so many years ago... so that it won't break, or bleed, or hurt...

Just because I'm always smiling and joking all the time, doesn't mean that under the surface, everything's fine... It's not... I'm just better at keeping it from others... I don't show much emotions... I don't cry easily... and the fact that she made me cry twice within a month... means that she's someone very very dear to me... I just don't know if she feels the same way anymore... The special place in my healing heart is... I don't know... I just don't know what to think anymore...

If I had to pull the petals off a flower going 'she loves me, she loves me not'... all the flowers in the world wouldn't be able to give me an answer... Only one person can tell me that... but even she can't give that answer at the moment...

I don't really mind not having that answer, I don't want to push... but feeling myself fading away from her life again is really worrying... Maybe I just don't want to let go... maybe I'm a fool... maybe its just my numerous insecurities and paranioa again... but there's one thing thats always constant... something's still making me care for her more than others... I don't know what it is, but as long as its there... I won't stop caring...

I'm not as eloquent as others... I've never been one to write so openly about things, with emotion and such... but what I've written, is a sincere description of what is running through my head at this moment... I may be offending her... I AM somewhat direct most of the time... but the thing is... I'm not being fake... this is my sincere and honest description of the feelings in my heart at this time... I'ts not meant to provoke anything... I just need to get it off my chest, and since this is my blog, thats where it will go...

Now that I've opened my heart out, it goes back in... to be sealed again... protection against any other shocks that might come my way...
you have just Slacked with Chris @ 4:57 AM

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Friday, August 25, 2006

If you've got the Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift song in your computer... play it now and read along to this... LOL

Singapore Drift *Sung to the tune of Tokyo Drift*
(Some parts of the Jap verses are not edited )
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I wonder if you know
How they race in Singapore
If you see me then you mean it
Then you know you have to paste
Some more stickers (stick, stick, stick)
Some more stickers (stick, stick, stick)
(Repeat)

(Japanese verse)
Rasha ii, omachito sama
kenso mamiro konoma chinoenso dama
tamama ichii do itsu eoi de
sikayju miryu suruhudoni ko kana
Japan, Ichiban
Jump around sawchirono deban
99 Bends is the place to be
he said ai mai Chie in Hokkien

many many Civics revving
ICE full of techno we blasting
Hate me, tiao me, suan me, Chie me
All the above cuz you can't get in
I don't want no Proton Kelisa
Because it's so obiang
Make you, shake you, chie you (Fuck you!)
Posers take it personal

(Japanese verse)
like kakanada tai tets o now
drop it on lets go now
na nachima mai nimits o
lets not chiki chima over
wets go nets go
tsuhilohilo over every color
esgo esgol
ju waktu chunai niikro
new waksu itsukunai pingpoi

(Chorus)
I wonder if you know
How they race in Singapore
If you see me then you mean it
Then you know you have to paste
Some more stickers (stick, stick, stick)
Some more stickers (stick, stick, stick)


(Japanese verse)
HI. Wakashteruya
Bengz. ateyuma kitobas
noise. manshij kitemas indaghe
tow banow gazmo windemas
beyshiku wasupplies
de. majmanchika abunai
te. ninjehu kenjahu
dakido geisha
all on the rocks say
ai sio gan mai

Should see me at the Orchard Stretch
Cineleisure is the spot
Fights with spoilers and GT Wings
And Neon lights, fur-dice, Lians, Oh my ride
We're furious and fast
Super sonic like TP's REX
An' we rock cuz the Civic's fast
Can't be beat with a Cherry Q

(Japanese verse)
like kakaru a
kiyo koto sa
matata in dey soki sayk yo
ingosipta shito fokusai
tekimatzailo kwanzai
fola kwanza
fara daka bumotosto
Bengsters score four points
from east coast park to
Changi V
watashi no kansito

(Chorus)
I wonder if you know
How they race in Singapore
If you see me then you mean it
Then you know you have to paste
Some more stickers (stick, stick, stick)
Some more stickers (stick, stick, stick)

(Japanese verse)
ya, ichipa mayni chito kitong kitas
hito aylam tobi tobida
mueruyo shito bochi bochi na
kuma nigi dasusu kochi kochi eh
hito a puro do resow
machu subetenu rekong
mechakari mundantesha
fu guchaw chan
buy more stickers

It's gotta be the Spoon
Gotta be the Mugen
That's why chio bus choose me
All up in the news
Cuz we so cute
That's why we're xia lan
Orchard Road girls know how i feel
They respect i keep it real
Not a Chinaman cuz I ain't from China man
I am SG man

(Lians Talking) You see him come and go out of the black Rex STI.
I wonder where he get that kind of money?
Don't worry about it.
Lets Go

(Chorus)
I wonder if you know
How they race in Singapore
If you see me then you mean it
Then you know you have to paste
Some more stickers (stick, stick, stick)
Some more stickers (stick, stick, stick)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wahahaha!! Damn farney right?? The moment I saw this... I just HAD to post it up... LOL...
you have just Slacked with Chris @ 11:56 PM

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Monday, August 21, 2006

I just finished doing a show for the National Day Dinner at Tanjong Pagar CC... Guest of Honour was non other than MM Lee himself..

Heh... guess that was y security was so tight.. The blast ppl involved were there at like 3 plus... to try out the stage and everything... then we just slacked in the air conditioned dance studio till about 5 plus when we were all called out to go through the security check cos the police wanted to sweep the place for bombs too..

So we all had to queue outside the CC, in the frekaing hot weather, perspiring away while waiting for out turn. In the end, we ended up cracking jokes and laughing away, like kids... hehe...

We even managed to convince Margaret that the word 'Lepak' was french... and it was pronounced 'Le'Pak'... LOL

Then it was back into the studio again... to rest and slack till the MM came... cos out items were after his arrival... In the end... we waited till 9 for him... had to go down to the road at 8 plus to line the road leading to the CC and wave singapore flags when he passes by... in the end, we just entertained ourselves again by doing kallang waves with the flags and just clowning around... heh...

Then, back to the studio again to wait for him to finish his speech... in like 2 or 3 languages... hur...

It didn't help that the weather was so hot, even at night, plus added heat from the kitchen also added to the heat... so damn hot... your glasses would fog up when you left the studio...

We couldn't even get to eat the nice dinner downstairs... only had one BK burger to eat... and it wasn't the beef ones... just chicken or fish... Hur... In the end, after the whole thing, we went to this 24 hr kopi tiam nearby and just ate lost of food... hehe...

The performance was ok I supposed... Don't think I missed out any steps... formation was ok... the only bad thing was that halfway through, my right contact lens dropped out... Hurr... So I just carried on with the item till the end... Couldn't find where I dropped it too... so dun care lah.. changed to glasses... hehe... Luckily I always bring my glasses along with me... hehe...

It was a good experience, in preparation for DR too... hehe.. Dun have the pics yet... but I hope to get it soon... Heh...
you have just Slacked with Chris @ 2:54 AM

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Friday, August 18, 2006

I just realised I have so many new photos in my phone that I haven't put up here... heh..

So... I'll put up a few.. and do a short write up if possible... kinda tired today... heh...
Enjoy the pics!!


'Mother' of Blast! 

This is what we do in Blast when we're bored... take silly pictures and do silly things... lol... Presenting... the 'Mother' of Blast!!
We play silly games too!! Like Idil's HARD GAY TOY!! WOOOO!!!!


Hard Gay Toy!! Whoooo!! 

During the holidays, I also had 2 different gatherings with my friends... first my sec school friends... too bad we didn't really take a pic... I just have this, showing how crowded it was at Marina Bay...


Seafood bbq at Marina Bay... So crowded!! 

Then, it was the JC S03 gathering about a day later... this time at cine...


S03 outing at Cineleisure!! 


Dessert at cine... 

Ths desserts at that bistro on the 2nd floor of cine are damn nice... too bad the service really could do with improvements...

Of course, my weeks wouldn't be complete without meeting the Jitterbugs ppl for Sunday dance class and our usual lunch at Marina Square food court... We recently had a new addition... XuZi!! Lol!! Take a look!!


Clowning around after Jitterbugs class... 


Greedy boy!! 

So greedy!! See!! He took 4 bowls of almond jelly with longans!! Wahahaa...

Of course... this being the month of August, its also the Fireworks Festival!! I managed to video the last 2 days of the fireworks.. lol... Much better than National Day ones...

No pictures of the fireworks... cos I was taking video... but it was great standing there so near to the fireworks when they went off...


So many tripods!! 

so many ppl brought their cameras and tripods just to take good pics... heh...
And I had a little accident.. I spilled my cup corn!! =(


I spilled my cup corn!! 

And since it was Yimei's bday.. I got her a present... Her favourite piggy!!


Piggy present!! 

We managed to get chocolate fondue after the fireworks...


Chocolate fondue again!! This is before... 


This is after!! Hehe... 

Know y there's no white chocolate at the end? We were mixing the chocolate chips they gave for the chocolate shots into the white chocolate... made it SUPER sweet!! hehe...

I went to support the Blast ppl today for their busking... and managed to catch this impromptu shot at the bus stop where we were waiting to go to Sci fac... The sun was so hot we had to resort to this...


Impromptu shot!! But so appropriate!! 

LOL... damn nice shot right?? Ahaha...

Lastly... I leave you guys with my very old Lego collection... hehe...


Half my lego collection... 


And my other half of the collection... 

Thats all folks!! I really gotta go... Damn sleepy... Cya~
you have just Slacked with Chris @ 1:43 AM

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Hehe... I just relived my childhood last night... By doing something I haven't done in a long time... Building Lego!! Wahaha!!

I remember I used to buy lego to build when I was young... I had so many kinds... the boats and police were my favourites.. I'd stare at the catalogue for ages, just looking at the different varieties they had...

Then as I grew up, my tastes changed... I switched to Lego Technic... but they never really had good models.. until now... I was looking for this particular model for SO long... It's the Lego Ferrari F1 Racer... The ONLY Lego Ferrari I would consider getting... The other Lego Ferraris like the Enzo and F430 just look too blocky for me... But the F1 racer... that is nice..

I finally found it... apparently the shop is clearing stock and is letting it go for $70... its usual price is $139... so after deliberating for like 2-3 weeks, I finally bought one yesterday... Got home at night and couldn't resist building it...

Here's just a few moments... This is what I completed in about 2 hours...


What it looks like after 2 hrs of work... 

Doesn't look like much... but thats quite a lot of work already... The good thing about Lego is that they actually labeled the packets.. so to work on a certain area of the model only required you to open up packet 1 first... all the connectors and everything is also provided... so you go in number order... 1 to 5... that way you don't have to go through an entire pile of pieces...

And when I mean pieces, I really mean pieces... even the engine comes in pieces... its not like just one block... even the pistons and piston heads come separately... take a look...


Pistons for the engine...  


PIECES of the engine block... 


Half the engine block... 


Half the engine with its pistons... 


The completed engine block!! 

Tada!! So much work for just the engine block... but its amazing how Lego managed to recreate it... the pistons even move too!! The steering also moves... its damn nice... has gears and all that to help it move.. hehe... Lego's just amazing..

But sometimes... it just makes funny pieces too... like when I was doing this one... its supposed to be the support of the rear spoiler... but it struck me that it looked like a plane!!


Looks like a plane doesn't it?? But its not!! 

LOL!!

Then when I was doing this separate part... the remainder of the model was at the side... and from that angle.. it looked like a Star Wars Pod Racer!!


From this angle, it looks like a pod racer from starwars... lol 

Waahahaha!!! Damn farney!!

But the most satisfying feeling you get is when you finish doing it... After 3.5 hrs that is... LOL... I had like sore fingertips cos of all the small pieces involved... ahha... but I like the finished product...


The completed product!! Yay!! 

Yay!!! Darn... now I'm tempted to get the bigger scale model... Argh!!
you have just Slacked with Chris @ 2:10 PM

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Saturday, August 05, 2006

you have just Slacked with Chris @ 3:32 AM

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Some ppl post up pics of good looking ppl... or themselves which they feel they look good in... I dun feel I'm really VERY good looking... since posting up pics of good looking ppl will just prompt other to ask me to 'intro' the good lookers to them... I'll do the next best thing... post up pics of good looking things..

And right now, thats a somewhat new interest I have... and that's collecting die cast car models... lol... sounds ex and boring... well... I dun deny that it is somewhat ex... but boring? Hardly... Singapore's not really a place to get exotics like this... really too ex... so the next best thing is to get a mini version of it...

So I'll start things off with the car I hope I can one day get to sit in... The Mercedes McLaren SLR...





















Nice?? I feel it is... its such a nice car... just too bad my room doesn't have any space to display it... so I just have to keep it sealed up in the box while I wait for the day I may have a bigger room... or at least a place to display my cars...

I'm currently eyeing a few more models.. but its going to take me some time to get them... seeing as how each costs at least $80+... but if I can't have the real cars, then I'll be satisfied with the models...

Hope you guys enjoyed it...

Btw... pics were taken with the Sony Ericsson K750i, on large picture size and fine quality with macro mode enabled...
you have just Slacked with Chris @ 3:12 AM

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